just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
