a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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