Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
