I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
