How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
wanna go halves on a baby?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
