I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize