he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize