I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
