lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
