i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
