i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Found the puke drawer
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
