absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
