She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
