Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
