i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize