i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
