I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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