cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Who died my cat blue again?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
