Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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