Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
