Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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