Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
