i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
