So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
