Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
