So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
