we're chasing vodka with high fives
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
