@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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