I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize