I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
