I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
