the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
