White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
