Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You can't special order awesome
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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