I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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