Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
