We're like a lot better than the average bears
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
