Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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