i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
