I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize