Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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