He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
