just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
