I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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