you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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