My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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