Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize