I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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