I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
