Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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