Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
