Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
