M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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