Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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