I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
only you would photoshop your dick
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize