do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
