waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
