bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
