she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
