just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
