remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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