I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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