sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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