No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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