Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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