wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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