I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
