if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
