id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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