fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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