And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
