fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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