Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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