My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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