I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
