Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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