remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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