is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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