I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It's official drugs can't kill me
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
