Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
