Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
