Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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