I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
